Helen Palmer (nice_cup_of_tea) wrote,
Helen Palmer

Something's Gotta Give

I need a fresh start. 2017 was a tough year. Work was challenging - lots of people changes, lots of projects. I worked harder and harder to try and make things perfect. I looked after everybody else and forgot to look after myself. I didn't find time to run, to read, to write. And my stress relief of choice was downing the red wine, every evening almost without exception. Who am I kidding? Without exception.

And now it's January 2nd. I've given up alcohol again. I know that it's addictive, a depressive, but somehow I forget that every time I pour the first glass. I need time to figure out what I need to find balance in my life. So January is about not drinking, about running every day, about blogging every day. Finding time for me and not using the mind numbing of drink as an excuse to sit on the sofa and do nothing. And I hate the petty, mean, depressed person the wine witch turns me into. I hate the shame that goes with it.

To look after myself will take some effort, but I am hopeful with no booze will come better sleep, better balance of moods and more patience (less shouting with the boys). And less crying, less feeling that I'm heading for a burn out, or depression, or menopause.

I want to write that I'm not drinking ever again, but somehow that feels like too big a statement to make. I'll do Jan and then set my next goal and then the next one, and then who knows? Wish me luck. I know I've been here before, but this time it feels more important. And going for a walk / jog / stumble / run makes me feel optimistic, that I can at least still put my runners on and can move myself forward. There's lots of things I can't control, but deciding to get out there is something I can influenc.e
Tags: health, running

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