I wanted to write about the positive start I’ve made this week in terms of gaining control back over my life. After last weekend, I decided to cut out alcohol and then then almost accidentally I stopped drinking tea as well. The alcohol things has been fine. I’ve been to All Bar One twice this last week, and managed really well on diet coke. It was nice to be able to chat away and feel virtuous. I think I’ve been sleeping better, although I still feel fairly tired.

Stopping drinking tea has been much harder. I had terrible headaches Mon to Weds, and I’m sure that was related. They’ve gone now and I feel much better through drinking lots of water and peppermint tea. I just want to give my body a few weeks break and hopefully break some deep-grained habits.

I’m making up my night watch this weekend, so feel ok about that, although I know I did really let them down last Saturday. Overall this week I’ve felt a lot more positive because of these steps that I’ve taken – I’m using it as a good opportunity to be positive about what I’ve found out. We also hid the TV last week and didn’t watch any at all, which was strangely reassuring.

I went to Pilates and had a massage today and have arranged some more sessions for next week. I really want to get less stressed and get more stretched and healthy again. I did look into Holmes Place today on Oxford Street, but may try just to get back into using LA Fitness more. Weight Watchers was successful this week in that I lost 2.5 pounds. I still have a lot of rethinking to do work wise. I need to find some way to work smarter not harder, and also to not try and cross every T etc.

The study however has been sadly lacking this week. The MOUS exams took over, although I did pass all with high marks. I’m going to try and get back on track this weekend. I’m also planning to do 2 sessions in the gym, plus my nightwatch, plus have a netmeeting with Jane! I think I need to change my attitude. I can’t sit here and worry about everything I haven’t done. I have to just start at the top of the list and work my way down. It may be that I don’t do as well as I could on this first essay, but I’ll have to accept that that was a consequence of the choices I made over the last few months, and then try to change and do things differently. I certainly have to work a lot harder that I have been doing and take it more seriously. I keep panicking about the essay and seem paralysed by it. I must just start the reading again and see how far I get.