Oh, I have been here before! In 2005, I started, wrote 1000 words, my laptop died and I gave up (even though I wasn't working at the time, and had all the time in the world to do it). Last year, I made up a personal "non Nanowrimo challenge" cos I was too scared to attempt the real thing. This time round I have two small monkeys underfoot, work 80% and have a hubbie in the depths of doing an MBA. Madness.
And yet... I can't get shake the feeling that I need to do this. My mum reckons that when I was a child, my ambition was to write a book. Lord knows, I read enough books. Books have been my friends and companions and teachers my whole life. I say that I enjoy writing (ie blogs, bits and pieces) - but do I have the energy and creative spark enough to actually write my own 50'000 words? That's the length of a short novel, The Great Gatsby. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. So no major role models to follow then :-)
But wouldn't it be great if I could write a novel (however badly) when I was 40? That would be a real achievement. The finished product does not have to be perfect, or even read by anybody. I do not have to plan extensively for it. It's not assessed. I can just go with the flow and write my ideas, 2000 words at a time. I don't want to fail. But I am scared - that I won't have the ideas or imagination to fill a book. And I can't even decide whether to write in the first or third person, hence a quick re-read of my personal favourites below. Yes, I know I am prevaricating!
I want to get lost in some creative writing. I want to feel that there is more to me than caring for my family and going to work. I want to prove to myself that I do have a writer's voice and ability. I will feel the fear and do it anyway. Found this article about how to leave your discomfort zone, why it's so hard and how to tackle it. I remind myself that: "leaving our comfort zone is hard, we will try and revert to what feels comfortable, but through the fear, we just need to take the next action".
Finally, here's my postit wisdom for the week.