And then I read this post, which really struck a chord with me. Allison Tate wrote about how she is missing from the photos of her kids and why this might be. This started me thinking. I also do not have many photos of me and the boys.
There are a few reasons for this. Mostly, I take all the photos and want to take them. Taking photos is not so important to Alan, so he doesn't do it unless I specifically ask him to. I get lots of snaps of him and the boys, since I enjoy watching them play together and taking photos. The other reason, as the original blogger pointed out, is that I don't want a photographic record of how I look now in the moment. When I am with the boys, I am always slobby mummy - dressed for comfort and speed, not style. No makeup. Hair is never straight and blow-dryed. No make up. And I have nearly 3 stone to lose. I look at photos and use them as evidence of how big I now am. My face is rounder. And let's not even talk about my lack of waist. Or my widened hips.
And yet, and yet. Many women responded to the original post, and there was a follow up post, which summarised many of the women's voices and stories. And the original editor added her story as well. It is reassuring to know that it is not just me. I will make more of an effort to hand the camera to Alan and get more photos with me in, that aren't staged!
And as a final postscript, this photo of me was taken by my friend Jill when we were walking in the mountains, I think in 2008. I like that photo of me, I look so happy, but look at the comments I wrote about it! I will learn to like myself in photos, just as I am in that moment in time.