Helen Palmer (nice_cup_of_tea) wrote,
Helen Palmer

This is not the Helen I want to be

Last week I spent an awful amount of time worrying and fretting about a possible new role at work, which would involve leading a team, a different area of focus, more processes and no content design / delivery. But working for my old boss, who wants me to take on the role.

I don't know when I will know if I have it and it is not clear whether I can delay my return to work by a month (which is what I would like to do). It is the right next job - it will challenge me, give me insight into the management of learning and development (rather than just delivering it), plus will give me the new experience of managing a team.

Of course I can do this role, of course it is the right next step and of course my boss thinks I can do it (because he asked me if I wanted the role).

So why I am so scared? Why am I worried about accepting it? Why am I fretting already about all the things and tasks that I will have to do, that I haven't yet experienced?

This is not the Helen I want to be - the one that doubts myself and drives myself crazy. This is the Helen I have been throughout my career - scared of the next step, not sure I can do it - I take on the role and then of course I can do it - and I wonder what I was worried about. It's enough, I am sick of it - sick of the energy I waste and the discomfort I put myself though.

I am now telling myself - THIS IS NOT THE HELEN I WANT TO BE!
More in the next post about the Helen I DO want to be
Tags: career, self_reflection, work

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