Earlier on in the pregnancy, when baby had more room to move, it was head down and I had hoped that this was a good sign. My Dr. had said that I could probably try a normal delivery in that case. Since then, baby has been resolutely head up, bum down. I have tried shiatsu, yoga positions, somersaults and head stands in water, talking to bump, chinese medicine (moxa technique) and 4 chiropractice sessions using the Brewster technique. I also went to a different hospital who had experience in naturally delivering breech babies, and who would also potentially let me start labour before doing a c-section.
However, we went to Zollikerberg a week ago and got some fairly definitive news. Because of the last complicated c-section, my womb is not strong enough to withstand any contractions. The placenta is also not optimally attached. Because of the breech position, if the water breaks, there is a chance that the cord will be crushed by an arm or a leg bum. Long story short, c-section as early as possible ie 38 weeks on the nose (last time it was 38.5 weeks). Plus, baby is probably as big as Markus was - measuring large so far 3.8kg estimate So we listened, asked questions, left the appointment then sat outside in the hospital garden where I cried and Alan listened.
After hearing all this, the other hospital rang to say that they wouldn't deliver my breech baby "normally" but they would offer a c-section when contractions started.
I was really torn. My back up plan was always - well, at least if I have to have a section, maybe I can wait until contractions start ie baby wants to be born and we have the surprise of waiting to see which date they arrive. But the other hospital had somewhat scared me and given the last operation, I sorted wanted all backups to be in place.
At the start of this week, I finally decided for Zollikerberg. They know us, they delivered last time and they will be ready for us. I am really scared, I have to be honest. The operation and recovery last time was less than ideal. I don't know yet whether I can get a single room (this really helped me last time) and it just still feels strange having a fixed date. I am excited about meeting my baby very soon and again, like last time, I am proud of me and my baby. I have had a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby has grown really well.
In the last few days since deciding, I have been trying to let go of my disappointment and grief that I will not experience giving birth, labour pains. I wanted to wait until baby was ready to arrive, but this is not possible. I needed to let go of this hope and to realise that it is okay to "grieve" a little bit for that which I won't experience.
I am ready to go into hospital (more or less!). Bags are packed, forms filled out, we have a plan for Markus and now I have the weekend ahead to enjoy with my boys. But a little bit of me would have liked to have been pregnant for a while longer. I am not quite ready for bump to be gone, even though I can't wait to meet our new family member who is on their way to join us!