Helen Palmer (nice_cup_of_tea) wrote,
Helen Palmer

I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned.

My dear friend Al, who has Aimee, who is just 2 months older than Markus, has just written a lovely blog post on being a mother.

“Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child... There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name that moment... I beheld myself as an infant in my mother’s arms, and caught a glimpse of my own death. I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned. My mothers and their mothers were with me as I held my baby.”
- The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant

I love the phrase "I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned" because this completely describes how I have been feeling. I look at Markus and can't believe that he found us, that he is here with us. And I am so excited about what is to come and at the same time wanting to hold onto every memory, every gurgle and face that he pulls :-)

I knew intellectually that having a child changes everything and that is what I wanted - but I am just now beginning to learn this emotionally.
Tags: family, happy, mgm
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