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My dear friend Al, who has Aimee, who is just 2 months older than Markus, has just written a lovely blog post on being a mother.

“Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child... There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name that moment... I beheld myself as an infant in my mother’s arms, and caught a glimpse of my own death. I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned. My mothers and their mothers were with me as I held my baby.”
- The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant

I love the phrase "I wept without knowing whether I rejoiced or mourned" because this completely describes how I have been feeling. I look at Markus and can't believe that he found us, that he is here with us. And I am so excited about what is to come and at the same time wanting to hold onto every memory, every gurgle and face that he pulls :-)

I knew intellectually that having a child changes everything and that is what I wanted - but I am just now beginning to learn this emotionally.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 9th, 2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
It's an ongoing process. At the same time as I celebrate every little achievement that Lilly makes, I feel another few grains of sand slip through my fingers, and feel her growing up and away from me.

I don't think I had any sense of life being spent until I had Lilly.

The first time I saw Lilly fly past my head I cried. She was lifted over by the surgeon to be washed. I was just speechless and could only form the thought 'Oh! She's so beautiful!!'
Sep. 9th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
Bless you, ncot! And what a sweet picture of the two of you. Taken by a proud parent and smiling spouse?
Sep. 10th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC)
Aunties feel something similar too ...holding Molly at hours old, I was totally unprepared for how much love I'd feel, having my own issues about having children/not having children.

Molly has changed everything, and almost all of it has been for the better - and even the tough stuff passes ;o)
Sep. 10th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
This is why part of me craves another baby, that part goes so fast.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )