I have come to realise that there are some things I can control, and some things I can't. Not a startling revelation I know, but significant to me :-)
I can't control the situation at work (bad time to work in banking)
I can control what I eat and drink. I can make more sensible choices which will help me to lose weight. I need to be honest about what has been going on. Eating too much, eating and drinking too much of the wrong things, eating when I have not been hungry. Less puddings, pringles and red wine. These are short term pleasures which do not help me in the long term. And actually, the short term pleasure is hardly worth it either. I realise that I have been eating out of boredom / desperation / to stave off doing something about how I feel about things. I am responsible for what goes into my mouth. No one else to blame but me.
I can control my running - I can get out of the flat, put on my trainer, and run slowly for an hour. And each time I do this, it is a revelation to me that I feel better at the end, than at the beginning. This decision that I make each time, makes me focus on the longer goal (10k in September) and proves to me that I can achieve something, that I do hold myself accountable to myself. As I run, I think - well, I've had two kids, only been a year since Patrick and I so I run slowly, but so what... As I run, I focus selfishly on myself and it feels great.
I can control whether i take the time and space to blog. I have said it so many times before, but it's still true - writing makes me feel better. I feel better for getting stuff out of my head. I enjoy reading the posts some time later. And I cannot believe i have been blogging on livejournal now for 7 years. Unbelievable.
So I will put my energies into the things I can control and go with the flow with the things that I can not control (at the moment).